DEAR JOHN

DEAR JOHN

Author Nick Sparks has absolutely no problem getting his books made into movies. Message in a Bottle, A Walk to Remember, The Notebook and Nights in Rodanthe have all made it to the big screen with The Last Song filming as we speak. Whoever his agent is, he has his mojo working.

That is the extent of my knowledge of Sparks books - yet I can say Sparks novels reaffirm my philosophy on reading books: "Why read them when - if they're any good - they will be made into a movie".

After seeing "Dear John" I can truthfully be thankful I don't waste my time even glancing at his books. [It should be noted that his novels are targeted to women so they wouldn't have merited even a glance if I were so inclined.]

Channing Tatum is John, a small town confused teen who is out of step with everyone in town.

One day at the beach he happens to rescue Savannah Curtis' (Amanda Seyfield) property that had fallen into the ocean. Savannah is from one of the elitist families in the area - the kind of family that would look down on him.

Nevertheless, she is grateful and falls in love with him, cementing the deal with a little sex. You see, John has joined the army and is about to be shipped out.

They make a vow to write endless amounts of letters to each other so as not to forget what the have. After he finishes his tour of duty, they will get married and live happily ever after. It's that innocent deal that never works.

But while John is soldiering, 9/11 occurs and he is goaded by his platoon into continuing his commitment to the army - re-upping.

Suddenly the letters from Savannah become fewer and further between until he gets the final 'Dear John' letter informing him that he has been replaced in the sack and in heart.

Ho - hum. I didn't spoil the plot - what else did you think it was about with a title of "Dear John"?

Knowing the plot shouldn't matter, it is suppose to be the journey from point A to point B that should make the narrative interesting. Unfortunately it falls very short.

It needs some witty lines. It needs some personality. It needs maybe even the attack of a rabid dog to break the mundane. Instead we listen to letters with no personality read by characters who would be more amusing if Freddie Kruger was chasing them.

Does Sparks have an obsession with notes and letters? "The Notebook" was about reading a bunch of letters. "Nights in Rodanthe" had a couple of read letters. Is that all Sparks has? Maybe not, but despite a good turn by Rich Jenkins as Johns 'interesting' father I can only mail this one in and say pass on this one! --GEOFFREY BURTON

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