LOVELY BONES, THE

THE LOVELY BONES

Peter Jackson is known for trying to capture every possible detail of a film at the expense of the audiences butts. After reviewing his catalog of films, I noticed he hasn't done anything under 137 minutes. that's roughly 2 hours seventeen minutes. And that film is his current saga "The Lovely Bones".

The entire "Lord of the Rings" saga was over 565 minutes - that's nearly 9 hours if you're adding. And those were the released length; most have director's cuts that added a few more minutes to each. I often said the reason the Academy gave the last installment "Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King" was because their asses were sore from watching the series.

There was, once upon a time, a school of thought in Hollywood that length meant right. If it was long it must be good. I'm afraid to tell all concerned that principle is incorrect in filmdom just as much as it is incorrect in sex. It doesn't matter how long it is if the recipient falls asleep.

Now that I've taken this review to another level, let me say I waited with baited breath to see "The Lovely Bones" as I understood that it required Jackson to create an outer worldly experience. I will say he does a great job of creating other worlds, why should death be any different?

But even the infinite timelessness of death isn't as long as "The Lovely Bones" seemed to be.

I was looking at my watch at only the one hour mark thinking it was longer. The final hour fifteen minutes was painful.

"The Lovely Bones" is as straightforward as a story can get. A little girl is murdered.

We know she is killed, we know who did it, we see the effect it has on her family. The only question is will the killer get caught.

Saoirse Ronan is Susie Salmon, the dead girl. You'll remember her as the young conniving little Briony from "Atonement". In "The Lovely Bones" she isn't conniving at all, she is merely a teenager looking forward to her first date and her first kiss.

Little does she know she has a pedophile neighbor who has his sights on her.

The creep is played convincingly by Stanley Tucci (whom we last saw going gaga over Julia Child in "Julie & Julia"). And, he does kill her. We don't see the how but we do know he kills her.

Her body is never found and the lack of finality drives a stake through the heart of her family headed by her doting dad (Mark Walberg) and her mother Abigail (Rachel Weisz). When they take time to regroup, her grandmother (wonderfully played by Susan Sarandon) takes charge - whiskey bottle in hand!

But while they grieve and wait for the police to do nothing, Susie languishes in a purgatory described as the 'in-between'. She is there waiting with all of the killers previous victims; waiting for closure. Trying to get a message through as to who did it. And it is this that takes too long.

In the grand scheme of things, a ultra low budget slasher film could have wrapped it up sooner. Especially with the ever so uneventful ending, which after my fifth time checking my watch... just took too damned long to arrive. "The Lovely Bones", is far to slow and that isn't lovely at all. --GEOFFREY BURTON

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