SPY NEXT DOOR, THE

THE SPY NEXT DOOR

To his credit, Jackie Chan proves that age 56 is the new 35. In his latest flick, "The Spy Next Door", Chan is as animated as ever.

Sadly, that is the only thing worthwhile about it. Director Brian Levant has cast his net fishing for a trophy - or at least an acceptable catch - and has pulled in a bitten of sardine.

Levant's best feature film was "Beethoven" 28 years ago. From there it's ben a steady decline - "The Flintstones", "Jingle all the Way", "The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas", "Snow Dogs" and just when you thought it couldn't get worse... "Are We There Yet".

This time, Levant cast Jackie as a Hong Kong based international spy on loan to the hapless CIA. He is, of course, deep undercover.

His primary mission is to capture a super criminal named Poldark (Magnus Scheving) who [like Pinky and the Brain] is trying to take over the world. He will do it by destroying the world oil reserves.

Okay, you've already heard this one before. I think James Bond thwarted a couple of guys and even Matt Helm took one down I think. So we aren't covering new territory.

The way he plans on doing it involves an oil eating bacteria which he possesses.

Right off, Chan - as agent Bob Ho - captures Poldark and sends him off to the hoosegow.

In the meantime, Ho is heavily involved with his neighbor Gillian (Amber Valletta) who thinks h is an ink pen salesman. But she also has two three children who can't stand Ho.

But Ho is confident he can win over the kids and volunteers to babysit the kids while Gillian is watching over a relative.

Naturally, just when he does that, Poldark breaks out and escapes back to Albuquerque.

The CIA calls on Ho to help them capture Poldark before he implements his plan.

Ho, with the help of the children gets involved with trying to capture Poldark while fighting off an army of his goons.

You already know the script and support cast George Lopez and Billy Ray Cyrus didn't help their acting careers playing additional foils. "The Spy Next Door" is a family oriented family that should have families running next door to see "Avatar" or "The Blindside". --GEOFFREY BURTON

RETURN TO CINEMATREK HOME